If you've been reading Professionelle's postings for a
while, you'll have come across the term 'Courageous Conversation'
more than once. We've advocated the use of these
'conversations-that-you-don't-want-to-have-but-need-to-have' in our
'expert' advice on a number of occasions. In a recent workshop I
delivered, a participant challenged me to explain why I believe
these are so effective in resolving difficult situations.
I came across the concept in a leadership paper many years
ago and have used 'courageous conversations' in my work and
personal life ever since. I have coached others to use them as
well. On the whole, when done well, they seem to result in
consistently positive outcomes. But what IS the 'science' behind
them? Does any serious research or academic study show that they
are indeed effective?
Once these questions occurred to me, I had to find the
answers!
Answer
I found the answers I was looking for in a great book about
Emotional Intelligence in the workplace. It is called
'The Emotionally Intelligent Workplace' by Cary Cherniss and
Daniel Goleman (Editors) . This 2001 book is a collection of
articles written mainly by serious academics on the topic of
Emotional Intelligence at work. It is pretty hard going and written
in a very 'academic' style of writing so tackle it when you have
some time and are in the right frame of mind!
Most of you will be familiar with the concept of Emotional
Intelligence. I am not going to go into detail about it here (but
stay tuned as I will in the very near future!). However, Emotional
Intelligence is the core concept behind what makes courageous
conversations effective.
The key thing to understand about Emotional Intelligence is that
people who have high levels of it are very self-aware and integrate
emotional information (how they FEEL about something) into their
decision-making processes. Put simply, if they hear a suggestion
that makes them feel 'uncomfortable', rather than ignoring that
feeling because it is 'just' a feeling, they tune in to find out
what is it that is bothering them, and then use that information in
their final decision-making.
The Role of Emotions in Groups
Most of the questions we've received on 'managing people' have
involved resolving difficult situations, be it dealing with a bully
boss, unreasonable expectations or someone who is not dressing
appropriately. These situations are unlikely to be resolved unless
confronted in a way that is constructive and that will influence
behaviour in a positive manner. Unfortunately, that is probably one
of the hardest things to achieve when working in groups. Think
about it, we're thrown in together to work closely over extended
periods of time with complete strangers with whom we might have
very little in common!
Any of us who've spent five minutes inside organisations knows
that emotions play a huge role in the dynamics of groups. When
difficult emotions are badly managed, groups can become hostile,
unproductive, and at worst, dysfunctional.
You can think of this process as a simple 'cause and effect'
scenario. When something like conflict happens in a group, it
triggers strong negative emotions. Any response by the group as a
whole, or by individuals within it, will have an effect on the
relationship of the group. When handled well, i.e. with respect and
with care, these responses can create a positive spiral of emotions
among group members. However, when handled badly, where things are
said without thought given to the consequences, and people are
treated without care and respect, these responses will instead
create a negative spiral.
Over time, these interactions will create a culture of
collective beliefs among the group about how much they can trust
one another, how safe they are, how much people are treated with
honesty and integrity and how well the group operates as a cohesive
unit.
Real Life Example
I remember working in a high performance group early on in my
career. One of the group members would just walk out at 5.30pm
every night. We didn't know about 'emotionally intelligent groups'
and 'courageous conversations' as we were all young and the manager
was not around. Rather than confronting the person who was clearly
out of step with the rest of us, we just bitched about her.
Predictably, this spiralled out of control to the point of
ostracising the team member. This badly undermined the team's
cohesion and trust and we all ended up suffering.
In hindsight, this was a classic case where a courageous
conversation by one of us could have simply stopped the situation
and provided us with an opportunity to re-negotiate what was
acceptable in terms of hours worked. We could all have benefited
from it and prevented the negative chain of events which
ensued.
Of course, when the leader of a group is emotionally
intelligent, the leader can influence the response to the difficult
situation and create a positive cycle, which enhances the
functioning of the group. But, as we all know too well, a leader is
not always available to manage this situation. Emotionally
intelligent groups have a culture where there are agreed norms on
how to behave in such situations. These norms result in the group
as a whole being able to deal with difficult emotions in a way that
creates positive outcomes and committed team members.
The Emotional Intelligence of Groups
An emotionally intelligent group can be defined as one that has
shared expectations and norms when it comes to managing emotional
situations. An emotionally intelligent group manages these
situations in a way that builds trust, group identity and enhances
group effectiveness.
Key to Emotional Intelligence in groups is the ability of the
members to:
1. Take multiple perspectives.
2. Have interpersonal
understanding.
Perspective taking
Basically, this is about the willingness of group members to
take on others' point of view when considering a situation.
Perspective-taking involves the ability of the listener to take
into consideration the speaker's role, the speaker's understanding
of a situation, his agenda and his knowledge base. Group members
who routinely do this in interactions are more likely to truly
listen to one another and so create trust and willingness to work
together. Remember, when you truly listen to another person, it is
important to focus as much on the person as on the content of the
message. As we know too well, it's easy to be highly
content-oriented, and to disregard where and why the message is
coming out.
Interpersonal understanding
Interpersonal understanding in a group context is the ability of
members to understand the spoken and unspoken feelings, interests,
strengths, weaknesses, values and principles of their fellows. When
group members understand these aspects of one another, they are
better able to deal with others' behaviour. Research in this area
has found that members of high performing, self-managing work teams
demonstrated significantly higher levels of interpersonal
understanding than did members of low performing teams.
The Emotional Intelligence of Groups and Courageous
Conversations
That's all fine and well you say, but what's that got to do with
courageous conversations?
Well, think about it, the kind of people who choose to work in
high pressure environments such as law firms, consultancies,
corporates and accounting firms to name a few, have high
expectations. One of these is that they should be able to be
'themselves' at work. However, for the group to function well, they
also need to 'fit in'. Research demonstrates that the more group
members are allowed to 'be themselves' they are, paradoxically,
more willing to put their individualism aside to fit in with the
group's needs. Put simply, if someone in a high performing group is
a fitness freak, she is more likely to put aside a valued personal
training session to help out in a pressured situation when she
feels can be herself and that she is trusted and valued by the
group.
But here's the thing, individuals in those high performing
groups have been found to be more likely than individuals in low
performing teams to confront members who break norms (i.e. to have
courageous conversations with the mavericks). Thus, when someone
behaves in an unacceptable way, such as taking off to that personal
training session when a deadline is looming, other group members,
and not just the leader, speak out. However, in these emotionally
intelligent groups, group members speak out in a respectful way.
They are able to do so because they have the ability to take
perspective and have interpersonal understanding of one
another.
The researchers call this a 'caring orientation' which means
that members communicate in a positive way, appreciate one another
and, most importantly, are respectful.
According to the literature on the Emotional Intelligence of
groups, it is when these types of 'courageous conversations' take
place in a respectful manner that groups are able to re-negotiate
their values. Through this ongoing negotiation, the values and
norms are agreed on and become a true part of the group's
functioning. The key aspect of this approach is that new members to
the group will be confronted in a caring way when they 'step out'.
When the confrontation - or courageous conversation - is done in a
caring and respectful way, the individual is likely to feel
supported, accepted and respected.
A Successful Courageous Conversation
Reflecting back on my own career, I think the first time I used
a courageous conversation successfully (before I knew that was what
it was called) was when I was working on another time-pressured
high-stakes project. My manager had a habit of constantly
introducing new tasks for me to do, each time ignoring what I was
already working on (many people needed me to assist them in this
project). At first I managed, but after a while I found myself
growing increasingly stressed.
I asked the manager for a meeting and prepared for it with
examples of how the times she'd handed me extra tasks without
thinking about other priorities. We had a great working
relationship and she was very open-minded. I suggested that we meet
twice a week to discuss what needed to get done. We agreed that she
would bring to those meetings a list of all the things she urgently
needed and that we'd agree priorities together. If there was
something truly urgent she could always ask me to do it and I would
give it the highest priority. This worked beautifully, and our
relationship and the project functioning benefited.
I hope you've found this piece helpful. I look forward to hearing from you
about your thoughts and experiences in working in groups and using
courageous conversations.
© Professionelle Ltd 2007