I have been meaning to write this feature for about a year now…
yes I know, how lax of me to have taken so long. But there you have
it, I am no super woman, life does take its toll and sometime I
don't manage to do all the things I plan to. But now that we have
two facilitated networking events on the topic of Living Your
Values, I thought it was high time I put my thoughts to (virtual)
paper!
Values, what they are, and how I can live my life by them, are
an extremely important topic for me.
I first became really aware of the impact of values on our
personal and professional lives when I started work as Fonterra's
Ethics and Community Relations manager in 2002 (a role that was
disestablished a couple of years later - and me redundant with it).
In that role I had the great fortune to work closely with Dr Simon
Longstaff who is the executive director of the St James Ethics Centre. Working with Simon and
facilitating numerous workshops on Ethics and Values led me to
reflect deeply on the philosophical, as well as practical,
application of values. I have being doing so regularly ever since,
and I endeavour to bring values into all that I do, across my paid
work, voluntary work, coaching, friendships, mothering and even my
marriage!
Universal Values
I'm sure that if you asked ten people at random what their
values are, you would find them to be similar. In fact over the
years, I have come to realise that values are pretty much
universal. Wherever I facilitated a workshop on Values and Ethics,
from Eketahuna in New Zealand's North Island, right through to the
Middle East and North America, whenever I asked for an example of a
value inevitably one of the attendees would offer 'Honesty and
integrity'.
However, when I asked those same people for an example of a
principle that underlies that value, more often than not there was
a deathly silence in the room.
Values and Principles
Let me define these two, related concepts.
Values are the things that are GOOD to HAVE. They
are the essence of what we stand for, and should underpin our
behaviours, decisions and actions.
Principles flow from Values, these are the RIGHT things to DO.
They direct people in how to make the values a part of everyday
being.
You see, principles are how your values are translated into your
actions; it is where your 'ethical' rubber hits the road.
Culture Matters
Yes, most people around the world will say they value honesty
and integrity - I pretty much guarantee it. But how do they live
their values of honesty and integrity? How do they express these
values in their decisions and actions?
That's where cultural awareness becomes absolutely crucial. This
is not political correctness! I'm an immigrant to New Zealand from
Israel, and after many years of working with people from very
different cultures, and with my background, I have come to realise
how important these differences can be, especially in the context
of discussions about values.
Let me contrast the average Israeli and New Zealand attitude to
putting the value of honesty into action. In Israel, when you think
that an idea someone proposes is stupid, your guiding principle of
how to be 'honest' will lead you to say what you think. Basically,
you tell them: I think your idea is stupid! I never worked
in a corporate in Israel but my friends who do tell me that such
exchanges are not uncommon.
In New Zealand, on the other hand, after attending many
meetings, I have come to realise that when someone offers an
unlikely idea, the reaction is 'that's different'. These words are
usually code for: I think your idea is stupid! but they
avoid confrontation, which is a strong cultural preference
here.
Take another example: the famous 'does my bottom look fat in
this?' question. In Israel, the answer would most likely be a
resounding 'Yes'! In New Zealand, on the other hand, I think you
would hear a more polite response....
However, from an Israeli perspective, the polite Kiwi approach
is seen as being 'not honest' (and of course I am generalising here
for the purpose of this article) - if you think something is
stupid, say it's stupid, and if you think someone looks fat wearing
a dress, tell them: you look fat!
Same value, different principles.
Remember Stakeholders
And this is where the third ingredient of living by your values
comes into play, and in my eyes it is the most important one. It is
this: think about the impact of your words and actions on the
people with whom you interact and who might be affected by you -
your stakeholders.
You might recognise this situation. Your colleague, boss,
partner, friend or family member climbs on their high horse and
says, "I know you value honesty and I am an honest person, so let
me tell you that I really think..." This is often followed by an
insult cloaked as 'honesty'.
To me, this is not acting with honesty and integrity. It's the
integrity bit that's missing. I believe that living my life with
integrity is about thinking through the consequences of my actions
on people around me. It's not about always getting it right, or
never offending anyone, and it's certainly not about being
righteous - it's about thinking my actions through and considering
how they will affect my stakeholders before I express my
opinion.
So, if someone really annoys me - should I ALWAYS tell them? No
matter what? Many years ago that might have been my approach, but
it certainly is not now. These days, I'll think things through by
asking myself questions such as, did they mean to upset me? What
else is going on in their lives? What will my telling them this
truth achieve? Does it actually matter? What will happen if I
simply 'suck it up'?
I do get things wrong all the time. Living my values to me
doesn't mean being whiter than white, or claiming the moral high
ground Instead, it means being aware, being present and being
mindful.
Socrates put it much better than me thousands of years ago:
The Unexamined Life Is Not Worth Living
This quotation, by the way, is Dr Longstaff's e-mail
signature!
© Professionelle Ltd 2009