16 July 2012

Stop Apologising

By Jayne Muller of Altris

First published at www.altris.co.nz and reprinted by permission

Women in leadership, women on boards, gender balance in management, all seem very topical at the moment, or perhaps just reflective of the environment I am currently operating in? There is certainly more discussion on the topic and recently I have been asked more and more about the challenges of career progression for professional mothers and the struggle with the juggle of the many roles working mothers hold.

A consistent behaviour that I see, and hear about from others, is the almost apologetic tone we women seem to adopt. "Sorry for not being as prepared as I would like to be"; "sorry for not being available Tuesday night"; "sorry to interrupt…" and so it goes on.

I was curious to see in some recent research that as women, if we to put ourselves forward for a role, we need to check off 80-90% of what's required for the position before we back ourselves to actually apply.  In general, when men go for the same role, they will put themselves forward after checking off 40-50% of the requirements, with a total belief that they can do the role (with time). It seems that women mostly have to feel like they are experts before they will put themselves into an environment.

As someone who works in the space of women in leadership and with senior leadership teams across many industries, I am starting to see this as a bigger issue. It has become more than simply something that happens when women put themselves forward for something. It seems we won't even ask for something (pay rise, promotion, project etc) unless we truly believe we deserve it 150% and even then it sometimes takes someone else to suggest the idea before we will action it.

Is it self esteem? Do we feel that we owe the world something since we try to be mothers and career women and look to perfect both at the same time? Do we need to feel like we are perfecting each role before we believe we are doing a 'good job' and providing value? Whereas our male counterparts believe they are providing huge value and contributing, when actually they are performing at the same level.

This is not a criticism, just an observation, about how females and males (in general) perceive the value they give in today's organisations.  Women can learn from the men around us to back ourselves more and talk more positively and confidently about the value we deliver in whatever role we have.

As a woman progressing through leadership, if you find yourself apologising for your behaviour in any way, pause for a moment and check in with yourself if an apologetic response or behaviour is necessary. I believe it is possible to be specific and direct with our actions and language while maintaining our own feminine style. You just have to work out what that means for you.

 

Acknowledgement

Altris is all about releasing potential. Releasing the potential of you, your employees and the untapped potential in your business. Altris is New Zealand's premier executive coaching group, who specifically focus on transition coaching. At Altris we aim to make a difference to you and your business as a way of making a difference to New Zealand as a whole. We think that makes us a little different and are sure you will too.

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