Gosh, it's getting busy out there. The economic indicators have
been signalling the end of the recession, and we are certainly
feeling it ourselves in Professionelle. All of a sudden, we seem to
be flat out and somewhat breathless. So when we were approached by
a well known wine company to explore the topic of fun on our site,
I was delighted - no better time to talk about fun than when you
are really, really busy I say!
In two and a half years at Professionelle, we have written about
such a wide range of topics from the obvious - women in leadership,
work life balance, flexibility in the work place - to the more
eccentric...
like my own passion for fashion... and Sarah's slight obsession
with Colin Firth...
and yet, is it a coincidence that not once have we written about
that other F word - FUN?
I think not.
Time for fun?
Let's be honest here, and I apologise in advance if any of you
take offence (please don't), but professional women and having fun
are two concepts that don't exactly roll off the tongue together.
When I hear of a professional woman, the image I conjure up is one
of an articulate, smart, successful, ambitious and hard working
woman. 'Fun' doesn't exactly come into it, but hard working
definitely is a key feature. The professional women I know are
dedicated and, yes, extremely professional. When you ask them to do
something they will most certainly do it; they take care of
everyone around them; they are reliable and trustworthy. But fun?
Who has time for fun?
At first I thought this might have something to do with the old
'Protestant work ethic'. However, as I am Jewish and not exactly a
barrel of laughs myself, (some have described me on occasion as
'intensely serious') that hypothesis doesn't quite work!
So why is it? Why is Fun a topic we haven't covered yet -
despite our efforts to look at all areas of our lives? Well, the
great philosopher, Dr Seuss, phrased this conundrum much better
than I will ever be able to at the end of one of my all time
favourite meditations on having fun - The Cat in the
Hat:
It's fun to have fun but you have to know how!
How very true, I think to myself every time I read the book to
my kids. What is it about having fun that is so elusive for many of
us, serious, intelligent professional women? And what is "fun"?
What is Fun?
Like most things in life, it's much easier to articulate what
having fun is NOT. It's not about 'work life balance' or relaxation
techniques. It's not about taking care of yourself (although it is
an element of it). And to me, it's not necessarily about
'partying'.
So I went exploring in the dictionary:
Fun (noun):
- something that provides mirth or amusement: A picnic would
be fun.
- enjoyment or playfulness: She's full of fun.
So there you have it, for us organised, focused lot - how do you
schedule or plan for mirth or amusement? How do you organise
playfulness? My husband is fond of saying that his dear wife loves
to be spontaneous, as long as he gives her sufficient advance
warning..!
I am now really appreciating my instincts not to have written
about Fun before, and am beginning to regret undertaking to do so
now…
Letting Go
Fun is so elusive. I love having fun, but fun is about letting
yourself go a bit, to be in the moment, to let loose and be able to
really laugh out loud and potentially make a fool of yourself in
the process. And that is hard, really, really hard for me. Having
fun involves taking risks - a bit like telling a good joke, you
take a risk that you're going to screw it up - if it succeeds,
everyone laughs and it is fun, but if it fails, you can end up
looking like an idiot.
Is it a wonder then, that we professional woman who have trained
ourselves, and have been trained by others our entire careers to be
in control, to carefully manage both our image and our interactions
find it difficult to 'let loose'?
I am now well and truly outside my own comfort zone.
How do we have fun?
This whole article was triggered by the approach from a wine
company, so of course, I have had to ponder alcohol.
A Drink
It took me many years to really understand the important part
social drinking plays in the New Zealand psyche. Having been
brought up in a completely different cultural context where it is
much more socially acceptable to speak your mind, even if it leads
to an all-out yelling match, that everyone quickly gets over, I
didn't really understand the role alcohol plays in helping kiwis
let loose.
Consequently, I have to admit I was quite judgmental of social
drinking in those early days, something my husband found most
frustrating. But after so many years of living here I truly do
understand social drinking now: to have fun we need to let loose,
and alcohol certainly helps that. In fact, I have been known to
tell some of my more highly-strung girlfriends to 'have a glass of
wine and chill' on the odd occasions!
But alcohol has to be just a part of it (I can hear some of you
say that it is a BIG part of it!) or otherwise we'd be advocating
alcoholism… what are the other key elements that make having fun
possible?
How Else to Have Fun?
Having fun is sooo important to our lives; I think we all know
it. Heck, I still tell my husband I only married him 'cos he made
me laugh. Luckily he still does, so we are still married… At times
like these last few weeks when everyone seems to just have become
so crazy busy, having fun has to become a priority - but how do you
achieve fun if you can't schedule for it? I ask this being a poster
girl for the ENTJ Myers Briggs personalty type.
You schedule and create opportunities to hang out with great
friends with whom you feel safe, with whom you can make a fool of
yourself and who won't judge you, answers the positive
psychologist. Yes, I do at times experience a split personality
moment!
It's all about relationships. To be able to let go, to be able
to take risks and be in the moment, we have to feel safe. That's
why relationships and friendships are so important to us. With my
kids, I now know that really taking the time to be able to be in
the moment with them and hang out is when we have fun together.
Now, I make sure we have these opportunities. It certainly isn't
fun to be with the kids when I am trying to do my supermarket
shopping and having to field questions from clients on the phone
while arguing with the kids about which cereal they can have!
With our partners, as life gets busy, it isn't fun when all we
do is arrange and do chores. So now I schedule dates and trips away
with my husband, so that we can just hang out and create the time
and the space to have fun. At first it did feel a bit awkward to
have to do that, but without the time to really be with each other,
how can we have fun together?
Friendship
I can't write about fun without writing about friendships. I now
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w who the friends are that I can really let loose
with, and who won't judge me. These are the friends I truly have
fun with. When our lives are so busy, I think it is extremely
important to make sure we spend our social time with people with
whom we feel we can be ourselves and just relax and have fun. I
think you all agree; I don't think it's a coincidence we've had so
many comments and feedback on the articles I've written on
friendship.
Of course, I couldn't write about letting our hair down and
having fun without a special mention of the 'girls'. Those
mythological creatures in any woman's life which are immortalized
in TV programmes like 'Sex in the City' and 'Desperate Housewives.'
Having fun with the girls, well, there really isn't anything like
it.
I guess you can schedule for fun, by making sure you have the
right environment with the right people and just let it happen. I
know there will be those of you who will say that you can have fun
on your own - do you? Do tell me how. But to me it inevitably comes
down to making sure I have great relationships in my life with
people I love and who love me, with whom I feel I can just be.
So, to indulge the ENTJ part of me, I create the opportunities,
the dinner parties, the BBQ's, the bush walks, the beach outings.
Then all I need to do is just be in the moment, take it easy, have
a glass of wine, chill and have fun! I am proud to say I am getting
quite good at it.
What about you?
© Professionelle Ltd 2009