The other Friday, we held another sold-out networking event in
Auckland on the topic of Strategies to Build Your Career - that
You Control!
It was a
great event; we had a vibrant mix of women from different
industries, occupations and stages of their career. We also changed
our format somewhat and focused the discussions around the tables
on sharing personal experiences about the topic. This worked
beautifully, and the feedback we received showed that the women
enjoyed this new approach.
When each table shared their key points with the wider group,
what stood out for me was the number of times the importance of
being mindful was mentioned as a strategy to build a sustainable,
successful career. Mindfulness was mentioned in many guises. To
mention but a few instances: as a mechanism to self check, as a way
to ensure you don't get overwhelmed, as a way to know that you are
doing the right thing in the right place for you.
As I was listening to the discussion it dawned on me that
although I use mindfulness a lot in my work as a coach, I have
never really explicitly written about it for Professionelle. So it
was time for me to sit down and write a practical article that
Ihope will provide you with some useful mindfulness strategies.
What is mindfulness?
A few years back I attended a conference in Sydney dedicated to
the scientific study of what makes people happy. As part of the
conference, Dr Tal Ben Shahar presented. Aside from being a great
presenter, Tal told this memorable story about mindfulness which
stuck with me:
Many years ago the young Buddhist Monk trained in
the way of the Buddha for years in a cave and living in isolation.
When he finally left his cave ready to test his progress, he
travelled for two weeks by foot to the temple where his master was
meditating. The master kept the apprentice waiting for days before
allowing him to approach with questions about his studies and about
the Buddha.
As the apprentice finally entered the room where the Master was
meditating, he was simply bursting with questions and enthusiasm.
The Master hushed him and said, "I have but one question for you.
As you entered this room, there was a pot with a beautiful plant
outside my door. Which side was it on?"
Not being able to answer, the apprentice was sent back to the cave
for many years more…
I have since read this story in the book "The Time Paradox" by Philip Zimbardo and John
Boyd.
The moral of the story, of course, is that one can study
mindfulness all one wants, but the true test lies in how it is
applied.
Being mindful, as the story implies, is about being fully aware
of the present. When you are truly mindful, you are fully aware of
your surroundings and of yourself, at that particular moment in
time. When you are mindful you are always aware of yourself, where
you are, what you are doing and whether it is the right thing to
do.
Sound simple? Well, as the story illustrates, it is anything
but. Positive Psychology has embraced mindfulness as a key strategy
to increase well-being and happiness. There are now numerous
studies which demonstrate how mindfulness is linked with greater
self-awareness and how increasing it promotes greater well-being
and reduces stress.
What struck me about the discussions around the tables in our
networking event recently was that the women acknowledged how
important mindfulness was, and how hard it was to achieve,
especially when you work so hard and have to juggle so many
things.
The reason I believe mindfulness is challenging for professional
women is because we are all very future-minded; indeed it exactly
our future mindedness that has enabled us to achieve all that we
have and get to where we've got to so far.
Future time orientation
How do you know if you have a strong future time orientation?
One way is to do the psychological test designed by Phil
Zimbardo. But to start with you can also ask yourself the following
questions: Are you:
- Always or nearly always on time?
- Very well planned with great to-do lists?
- Good at getting all regular health checks done?
- Good at brushing your teeth at night?
- Good at meeting deadlines?
You get the drift. Chances are that if you are one of our
Professionelle members you answered 'yes' to most of these
questions. The good news is that people with a psychological future
orientation achieve more, have better jobs, more money and are
generally more successful and are more likely to get the job
done!
People with future time orientation, or 'Futures' as the authors
refer to them, subscribe to the philosophy of meeting tomorrow's
deadline before making any time to play today. Futures make
decisions today based on their anticipated future, both their
anticipated gains and their forecasted losses. That's why they take
the time to have medical checks, knowing this could save them from
getting very sick in the future, and that's why they can be relied
on to get the job done, without being distracted by play and
immediate gratification. Futures live in their minds; they envisage
future selves and future scenarios. They make sacrifices today in
terms of time, play and pleasure in anticipation of future rewards.
Does that sound like you? It certainly sounds like me…
Future time orientation is the bedrock of Western civilization,
according to the authors and they make a good argument in support
of it. But there is a down side. In our focus to achieve, we miss
out on the pleasures of life. We miss out on spending 'non
productive' time with friends and family, we miss out on just
chilling and smelling that proverbial rose. We miss out on being
present, living the moment, in short - we forget to be mindful. And
in the process we might miss out on the thing that is most
important to our well-being: having meaningful relationships with
others in our lives.
Before I read this book, I approached this exact topic from a
slightly different angle, namely professional women's attitude to just having
fun. And when you read this article you'll see that I concluded
that although I do have to plan for fun (I am extremely high on
future orientation), I can now just chill and be in the moment when
the 'fun' occasion arrives. But, and there is a big but, I had to
train myself to do that, it didn't come naturally. Instead, I
devised many strategies that now enable me to be able to just relax
and enjoy.
Why is mindfulness so important for "futures"?
Knowing how to be purposefully mindful is what grounds us, gives
us perspective and builds our psychological resilience. Learning
how to recognise when we are not mindful can literally save us from
experiencing a downward spiral of negative emotions.
I know when I am starting to lose it when I start doubting
myself on whether or not I left the hand brake on when I parked!
Another dead giveaway is if I have to check whether I turned the
element off on the oven. These things happen because I get lost in
my mind - in my future orientation, planning, thinking, organising
and not taking time to be in the moment of what it is I am doing.
As soon as this starts to happen, I know I need to do something.
Unfortunately, I have observed many people, women and men, who just
push on when they start to reachthis stage. The result is never
pretty. So: how do you ensure you are always mindful?
Tips for mindfulness
There is a huge amount of literature on the topic now. What I
chose to do is to share my secrets with you.
Right kinds of exercise
The first secret is choosing a form of exercise that forces you
to be in the moment. For me it's yoga, and for Sarah it's rowing. I
love walking and swimming as well, but my mind wanders off and I
can think, plan, organise. With yoga, I have to be present, or my
wonderful teacher, Melody, notices and gives me a stern talking to.
Through many years of practising yoga, practising breathing,
practising being aware of how my body is at a moment in time
without judging or forcing it, I am now able to recognise when I
need to make a special effort to stop from launching down the
negative spiral of stress and negative emotions.
10 deep breaths
You've probably heard it before, but we all need reminding.
Learning how to breath correctly is key to mindfulness. Even if
yoga is not your thing, find a way to learn how to take really deep
breaths. Tal Ben-Shahar shared with us that when he is at a red
light, he takes 10 really deep breaths. I have now adopted this
strategy for myself and it works. It takes the stress out of being
in the lights and it forces me to look around - I mean really look
around and take in where I am. Being in the present, being
mindful.
When you feel that growing sense of stress and as if everyone
wants a piece of you NOW, that is the time to literally stop, push
everyone away, and take 10 deep breaths just being, just sensing
where you are at, don't judge yourself, don't be hard on yourself
just be. You'll be surprised how much clearer you'll be after being
mindful for just 10 big breaths.
Experience good times in the now to the
full
That's the biggest one for me now. As a 'future' whenever we had
a holiday or a social occasion, I'd plan for it to be as perfect as
possible and when the time came, I'd be thinking about planning the
next one, thinking about my goals, in short, thinking about the
future. Having read and trained in Positive Psychology over the
last three years, I have adopted many strategies to suit me. I now
take the time to savour and be mindful in many little minutes
through the holiday. Like trying to notice as many different types
of trees every time I take a walk…or notice all the different
shades of blue in the ocean and where the ocean meets the sky. I
consciously take mental photographs of precious moments and than
'play them back' later on. These mental photos are the ones I bring
up when I feel overwhelmed.
Relive and enjoy past good times
Another new trick is to use these times to reflect on the past,
to think of all the good things that have happened to me and my
family since the last time we had a holiday. I also try and cajole
my family to do the same. That's because positive past time
orientation is the one the authors recommend we should be highest
on as it is linked to the most wellbeing benefits.
In touch with now
To me, being mindful is experiencing the present in its fullest,
without judgment or regrets. When I am with family and friends, I
try not to think about what I have to do once they're gone. And if
I find I am thinking about it, I make sure I make time to do my
chores/jobs/to do list, so that when I am with them I can be just
present. The key thing is to recognise when you are 'living in your
head' and losing touch with the now. And if you're there, stop,
take 10 deep breaths and think what can YOU do to bring more
mindfulness into your life.
© Professionelle Ltd 2010
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your staff or link to it from your Web Pages/Website as long as you
give us full credit and link to us!