[Sarah writes] When I read this
article, I was in the midst of a crazy piece of work in Queensland,
failing to cope with the three hour time difference, and generally
forgetting which way was up. Sally's words helped to ground me. I
relaxed enough to remember that the work was a means to a
particular end - and would soon be over with goals
accomplished!
If your Christmas break seems a lifetime ago and you're
awash with escapist fantasies, maybe Sally's advice will help you
regain some perspective, too!
When you google books on happiness you get
151,000,000 results! If you just google the word
happiness, you get 76,500,000 results. It's obviously a
popular topic. People keep searching for happiness and yet many
haven't found it yet! Do you ever get that feeling that you
"should" be somewhere else, with someone else, doing something else
"bigger and better"? That's a common feeling which keeps you from
fully enjoying your own life exactly as it is right now.
Do you find yourself wishing you could "be somebody" or to do
"something really important"? How much of your current life are you
discounting and taking for granted? Are you missing the amazing
gift of this moment now, always pursuing something better
tomorrow?
I wish I was...
As an example, when I lived on the east coast of the United
States, I dreamed of living in Hawaii. When I actually did move to
Hawaii and had luxuriated in the sun and sea for a couple years, I
began to miss the seasonal changes of the east coast and miss my
family. Then later, I moved to New Zealand, where there was the
promise of new life, new work, and a new adventure. Within months
however, when Auckland's rainy winter set in, I was pining for the
warmth of Hawaii.
When I worked full-time, I dreamed of being self-employed and
"free". Now that I'm self-employed, I often miss the steady salary
and social connectedness of full-time employment. When does it
stop? When does the wanting something other than you have stop?
Are you playing the waiting game…constantly waiting for "bigger
and better"? What if you stopped playing that game once and for all
and began to fully appreciate where you are NOW. How would you do
that?
Happy For No Reason
Marci Shimoff, motivational speaker and author of the 2008 book,
Happy for No Reason, says that happiness for most people
comes from having good relationships, successful careers, financial
security, or using our skills and talents to their fullest. It's
the pleasure we get from having healthy things we want in our
lives.
Yet, a more secure experience of happiness has nothing to do
with these external things. True happiness is a neurophysiological
state of well-being that isn't dependent upon anything external. If
conditions change or are lost, then for most of us, our happiness
goes too. But what if you were happy for no reason?
Marci offers the image of happiness being the string in a
necklace. Imagine that our beads in the necklace were our
experiences. Some beads are positive and some more challenging or
what we might call negative. If our foundation, the string in the
necklace analogy, is "happy", then no matter what kind of beads on
our string, we'll be happy.
Our inner essence, which is the string that runs through all the
beads or our life experiences, is ultimately what is creating our
happy life.
Happiness is a Butterfly
American novelist and short story writer, Nathaniel Hawthorne,
reminds us that,
Happiness is as a butterfly, which when pursued,
is always beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down
quietly, may alight upon you.
I heard another quote recently along the same lines: The bud
of a rose is just as beautiful as the full bloom. In other
words, "smell the roses along the way". Don't keep waiting to enjoy
life at the "full bloom" stage.
What if you took the attitude that you are already the star of
your life - the main actress in your own academy-award winning film
- the main character in your Pulitzer-prize winning novel? What if
Paradise is not somewhere else (like in Hawaii) but always exactly
where you are in each moment. How much better would your life be
then?
So how do you begin to embrace your life now just as it is?
Three Good Things
Here are two simple strategies which are not new but which you
cannot hear often enough! These two strategies are gratitude and
meditation.
One specific routine I've established with my son for the past
few years is to ask him to say out loud three things he is grateful
for before he goes to sleep at night. It's become a ritual which
affirms that no matter what's going on in his life, he can always
find at least three things to be grateful for. When he's had a
"bad" day, he can at least manage to say, "I'm glad I have a bed,
I'm glad I have a roof over my head, and I'm glad I have food to
eat."
Try the "three gratitude" exercise at night or in the morning or
both and see how your attitude starts changing about your life.
Meditation
The second tool for happiness is meditation. By meditation, I'm
not talking about some rigorous practice. I am talking about the
simple act of sitting still and allowing yourself to open to your
authentic self behind your everyday personality,opening to the self
which is your human "being-ness", or the string in the necklace
analogy.
There are many styles of meditation that I've tried, and I find
the simplest one is merely closing your eyes and observing the
gentle rise and fall of your breath, known to some as Insight
Mediation or Vipassana.
Focus attention on your heart area and observe the subtle motion
of the rise and fall of your breath. It can be helpful to inwardly
say to yourself, "in... and out..." as you observe the flow of your
breath.
If you find yourself being distracted by some other pain or
sensation, just notice it and name it. For instance, if you notice
your jaw feels tight, you might say inwardly, "clenching, holding,
tightening". You might feel your back aching, and you name the
feeling, "aching, burning, pulling, tightening", etc. What you will
notice is that the dominant sensation will continually change and
shift.
The focus of your attention can rest on the dominant sensation,
and when that fades away, gently return your attention to the
breath, in and out. You might then become aware of someone rustling
a paper, so you inwardly say, "rustling".
It's important to notice that the one doing all this observing,
namely you, does not change and shift. You are always the same.
It's your thoughts and sensations that constantly shift, not
YOU.
As you continue this process, even for as little as five or ten
minutes, a sense of peace, calm, and clarity begins to pervade your
awareness, even in the midst of stressful outer circumstances.
The One That Never Changes
Throughout the day, practice noticing yourself. Behind all of
the activity, you are the observer, the one that never changes, the
one that is solid, steady, and sure. This is your authentic self.
This is the self that will guide you to more authentic activities
and relationships. This is the self which is happy right where it
is now.
This is the self that knows that the grass is greener right
here, right now.
So, I encourage you to commit to appreciating your life as it is
now, and to expressing gratitude and finding quiet times for
meditation. May we all fully enjoy our green grass right here in
New Zealand.
Acknowledgement
Sally
Mabelle has inspired and empowered hundreds of people
internationally for the past 20 years to express their authentic
voice, leadership presence, and to become more engaging speakers
and communicators.
Sally is the President of the National Speakers Association of
New Zealand (NSANZ Auckland Chapter) and a mentor for the YWCA's
Future Leaders program. Her formal credentials include a B.A. with
honours in Rhetoric and Communication Studies from The University
of Virginia, a certificate for 325 hours of training in Spiritual
Psychology from The University of Santa Monica, and a Masters
Degree in Education (M.Ed.) from Chestnut Hill College in
Philadelphia. Sally has also worked professionally as an actress
and voice coach in the United States and New Zealand.