Many of us find meetings very difficult. For those of you
who share this feeling for us, we asked Sally Mabelle to give us
some tips on how to handle them successfully.
What do you do when you feel
stressed or frustrated at a meeting? Have you ever sat there and
felt like no one was noticing you or hearing you? Have you ever
felt thwarted or blocked? Or plain steamrolled?
If your answer is yes to any of these
questions, then read on for a simple process you can begin to
practise. It will bring more consciousness and effectiveness to
your interactions at meetings. It will also help you to use your
frustration constructively instead of blowing up or holding it in
and feeling resentful.
5 Step Process
Here are five steps which will increase your capacity to speak
assertively, so that others will listen rather than become
defensive.
To remember this process, here's a mnemonic or memory-enhancing
phrase, which you can use:
Beware or Feelings Will Really Rule!
BFWRR
- Step 1: B stands for Behaviour
- Step 2: F Feelings
- Step 3: W Wants
- Step 4: R Request
- Step 5: R Result
BFWRR or Beware or Feelings will Really Rule
Worked Example
Let's take an example of when stress and frustration may occur
in a meeting. Let's say the person leading the meeting is
dominating the discussion and not giving you or others enough 'air
time' to respond and contribute.
Step 1: B
The first step is to notice the Behaviour that is
triggering an uncomfortable feeling inside you. Share your
observation about that behaviour, with the other person. It's an
objective statement that is factual - no evaluation or
interpretation added.
"I notice that the majority of this meeting has been you
telling us your perspective on the situation."
Step 2: F
Express the Feeling that is triggered in you in response
to that behaviour:
"When you are speaking to us without pausing to give us time
to respond, I feel frustrated."
Notice: there's no blame being cast … you are just owning the
feelings that are triggered.
Step 3: W
State your Want:
"I'm really wanting to have a sense of teamwork."
Step 4: R
Make a specific Request:
"Would you be willing to give us some time to respond to
those issues you raised to make sure everyone's voice is
heard?"
Step 5: R
Communicate the positive Result you anticipate if the
person grants your request:
"If we have more input from everyone here, I believe we'll
have much more cooperation and support and a sense of
teamwork."
It Works!
By using this process, you are more likely to win a positive
response and have your needs met than if you either:
- blew up at the person in frustration or
- held in your anger and felt resentful
This process can take some practice, so be gentle with yourself
as you're trying it out. As you get the hang of it, it will become
more and more automatic and comfortable. Soon, you'll see results
of your feeling more confident, calm, and centred at your
meetings.
Acknowledgement
Sally Mabelle is an Auckland-based Author, Speaker,
Communication and Life Coach. Check out Sally's website for
information on the CD program 'Conscious Communication', which
offers more advice like that above for mastering your interactions
in relationships. Sally is also offering courses this year on this
topic. Click here for details of her next 'Conscious Communication' event.