Once a psychologist, always a psychologist
Many years ago, I did my Psychology degree at Auckland
University. I loved it; I loved learning about psychological
concepts, and the studies that brought them to life. One
concept I studied in my undergrad days has stayed with me more than
any other, and that is the concept of cognitive
dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance explained
In short, cognitive dissonance explains the almost physical
discomfort we feel when we find ourselves holding two opposing
attitudes simultaneously, or when we hold a belief that conflicts
with our behaviour. Huh? I hear you say. Let me
try and explain it a bit more simply.
Www.mentorcoach.com featured
an interview with the co-author of a book which is dedicated to the
concept! Upon listening to the interview I told Sarah we
needed not one, but four, copies for our Professionelle
library. Sarah did politely enquire as to how I could be so
sure the book was THAT good before I'd even read it - I think by
now she may be convinced, but we'll see what she says…
One book to bind them all
Well, is it THAT good? Yes it is, that's my resounding
reply. If you were to read just one non-fiction book about
human behaviour this year, let this be it. Using examples
from every sphere of life, ranging across politics, law, policing,
medical professions, business and marriage, you get the gist, the
authors powerfully demonstrate how we self-justify bad, hurtful,
and downright dangerous behaviours because of cognitive
dissonance. They use powerful, real life examples and bring
home the point that unless we are vigilant, we can fall into the
trap of self-justification and end up paying a high price.
The authors' writing style is very easy to follow which makes for
an enjoyable yet thought provoking read. You can't help but
revisit mistakes you've made over the years and examine how you
have self-justified them as a consequence of this universal and
powerful urge to keep viewing ourselves as competent, kind and
smart people.
Mistakes I've Made
As one of my deep thinking girlfriends said, after I'd thrust
the book upon her and she'd read it, "You can't but help think back
about when you yourself did it and it is really hard!" Yes it
is. When I finished the book I asked Andrew, my husband, to
tell me about mistakes he thinks I've made over the years. Wise man
that he is, he flat out refused!
I did however, rack my brain to face up to a mistake I made - one
I can own up to without justifying, saying things like 'yes but, in
hindsight I did the best I could do in this situation
yadayada'. I really wanted to find a mistake that I could
actually apologise for to someone - without excuses or
caveats. And I did find one, and I did apologise, and it was
hard, almost physically painful, but hugely rewarding.
Mistakes Were Made is a book that should be read by
everyone because we can all fall into the trap of self-justifying
bad decisions and behaviours. The more we are aware of this risk,
and the more we have people around us who feel they can challenge
us on our decisions, behaviours and actions, the better our lives
and those of the people around us will be!