When the going gets tough, the tough stay connected.
When I teach and educate ladies in the art and skill of
"networking" I talk about "developing the connector habit". I talk
(a lot - actually I talk a lot anyway but I digress) about adding
value, adding value consistently, often for months before you are
able to receive any value.
I talk about networking not being simply about business and
sales, but about sharing knowledge and skills, finding the right
mentors and advisors, finding friends and finding support. It has
been exactly these friends, mentors and supporters that have seen
me through some very dark days.
I run my own business now, enjoying the sunshine, master of my
own destiny. It wasn't always like that for me. I was once
gainfully employed, happy(ish) in my work and drawing a regular
wage, reporting to the boss, constrained by the company policy,
stuck in a rut career….. Okay, so maybe happy wasn't the correct
word, but I was content, I had a home and a family to support and I
felt secure.
I had always been outgoing, opinionated and successful. I could
always navigate the corporate pathways with some skill, until it
all went horribly wrong. I'll skip the details - it's still painful
to recall - but I felt as though I was falling into a black hole
from where I would never return. I thought I was going to lose not
only my job, but also my home. My marriage suffered terribly under
the stress. The slide into insanity and suicide seemed to loom very
close.
It never happened.
I survived and came out the other side much stronger and happier
and more successful than ever, no longer employed. So what was the
light at the end of my long, dark tunnel?
It was my network. My "inner circle". My friends and supporters
that stood behind me no matter what. That believed in me. That
listened to my ranting and ravings and told me I was not going mad.
I truly learnt who was a friend in that period. The support was
overwhelming and generous. They made sure I kept my sense of humour
and slapped me when I was getting beyond morose.
Where did I find these friends? By networking, by connecting, by
always striving to add value to others, that in my darkest hour
when I asked for help it came to me in droves. I had only been in
New Zealand three years yet I had established these incredible
friends by developing the connector habit.
One friend and colleague listened and supported me daily, on the
train journey into work and on the journey from work. When I was no
longer at work, she met me regularly for coffee and assured me I
was sane. I leaned very heavily on this friend and she was the
mainstay for me. I now am able to support her and offer her a
friendly ear and someone to talk things through with as she faces
her own life challenges. Remember if you give, you get, but you
need to give again!
My mentor (and friend) also supported me greatly. He steered me
through some of the more treacherous minefields and was the one who
told me to get over it when I wallowed, but supported me when he
saw I really needed it. He bolstered my self belief, found me the
right legal advisers and even came with me to meet them and ensure
I was totally comfortable. Through this development in our
relationship we became very close friends, but also as I
progressed, the mentor/mentee relationship altered to where it is
today. We are equals supporting and advising and mentoring each
other. By my opening up and leaning on him, the same thing happened
as he realised he could lean on me. Amazing. Where did I find this
fabulous mentor? He spoke to a group in the company I worked for
and I connected with him and added value to him where I could.
Can you see a theme developing here? Connecting, networking,
permeates all your life and if you develop the connector habit you
can create sustainability in all areas. By building successful
relationships, by adding value to others first, I was able to ask
for help and lean on others when I really needed to, and boy did I
need to. So to all of you who were there for me, and there were
more than I expected, thank you.
Acknowledgement
Sarah Lochead-MacMillan is a former senior relationship manager
for New Zealand's largest Bank. She is the founder of the
professional women's networks The Very Early Lunch Club
and WoPaI in Franklin, and also of the largest NZ Bank's
internal women's network. She now runs her successful company, the
$LM Group, teaching others effective networking. The $LM Group also
undertakes regular mediation for business clients to build a more
effective banking relationship, train their bank, structure their
debt to maximise cashflow and get a leaner offer of finance for the
business.
Sarah can be contacted via her website, by email,
or on 021 134 5568. You can follow her on Twitter, and, of course, you can
connect with her on LinkedIn!