Why women need to back themselves
and how leaders, recruiters and media can help.
By now you've probably seen the Sheryl Sandberg video from
TEDwomen, and her 3 tips for making it to the C-suite. As
COO of Facebook, Sandberg has achieved dizzying heights of career
success. Her advice to other women seeking to do the same is
as personal as it is practical, yet also acknowledges the social,
biological and self-imposed obstacles that women face in defining
their own career paths. In a nutshell, she suggests that
women increase their likelihood of success when they:
- Sit at the table - get involved in the decision making and give
yourself the greatest chance of success by putting yourself forward
and negotiating what you want
- Make their partner a real partner - Sandberg is married
to David Goldberg, CEO of SurveyMonkey and with two small children she
admits that their marriage and parenting is a partnership in every
sense
- Don't leave before you leave - in other words make conscious
decisions to continue to advance your career, even if you plan to
take parenting breaks, rather than changing down gears during this
period.
Sitting at the table
They're all good points but the one I want to focus on is the
first: sitting at the table. According to Sandberg:
"No one gets to the corner office by sitting on the side, not at
the table. And no-one gets the promotion if they don't think
they deserve their success or they don't even understand their own
success."
The corner office is one thing but I think it's as true of
winning a new account, running your own successful business,
negotiating the employment terms you want or making a major
acquisition like a house or car or boat. Substitute the "corner
office" for whatever your goal is and the outcome is the same:
you'll garner more respect, develop and showcase more skill and
demonstrate your passion and personal commitment when you
personally sit at the table.
When I look back over my career I can identify a number of
defining moments that all involved me personally sitting at the
table. One took place just after I made the transition from
banking to business consulting. I was involved in pitching a
proposal to a major investment bank. I was the only woman,
the shortest serving and the most junior team member sitting at the
table. And I was the only one among a team of career
consultants who had operational experience. So when the
client asked a sticky question regarding our proposed strategy and
the likely impact on operations and regulatory compliance, all eyes
turned to me. Was I nervous? Of course! Did I give an answer
that satisfied the customer's concerns? Yes. Did we win the
job? Yes. And did my reputation and perceived value go
up in the firm as a result? Absolutely.
Using simple analogies, Sandberg illustrates her point: the
women who attended meetings but nervously sat to the side instead
of the table when the deal was being cut; a college memory of her
overly confident brother who barely studied but was sure he'd top
the class; and of women systematically underestimating their own
abilities and their own success.
Time and time again we see that men who self-promote get
promoted.
So why do women talk themselves down and men talk
themselves up?
Sandberg used the story of the Heidi and Howard Roizen case to illustrate that
women get punished for behavior that is perfectly okay for men:
historically the correlation between success and likeability has
been positive for men and negative for women. Yet with the
growing body of evidence showing the benefits women bring to
business, there's never been a better time to challenge this
position.
So recently, after watching the Sandberg clip, I posted a
discussion on the sphinxx LinkedIn group inviting members to share their greatest success of 2010 and their
goals for the new year. Of our 447 mainly-female members,
how many do you think have posted their stories? A grand
total of zero. Zip. Doughnut. None.
I get the sentiment, but if women truly want to get beyond the
current situation of holding only 4% of line management roles in
Australia, of holding only 10% of board positions and 2.5% of CEO
roles then they need to get over ourselves and our reluctance to
self promote. Women need to encourage other women's success
and so do men, that's true.
Women often tell me that they don't want quotas; they want to be
appointed on the basis of their own merit. If this is true
then it's time to wake up and smell the roses: while women are
reluctant to share their wins and their success stories it's tough
for recruiters to find and appoint them.
What to do?
There's much that men and women, leaders and individuals can do
to see more women are at the table:
- Women can back themselves and trust in the
opportunities that come their way. When opportunity knocks,
don't ask who's there. Don't be one of the 27% of women who turn down
jobs because of a little self-doubt. Don't attribute your
success to luck or other people around you. Own your success
and use it to create more.
- Leaders can put women at the table.
Every meeting, every negotiation should include not one woman but
many. One woman feels outnumbered, outspoken, outvoted,
different; while in balance women represent their half of the
population, their sentiments, their experience, their views and
their purse-strings.
- Managers can balance the self-promotion
commotion. When a male shares his wins in a meeting, ask the
women at the table to do the same. When a male asks for a pay
rise, take the time to consider whether everyone on your team is
remunerated fairly. Who are the silent achievers on your team
and do they know how much you value your contribution?
- Recruiters can put more women on the table by building a
network of quality women to put forward, by
avoiding typical stereotypes about the ambition and aspiration of
women and by seeing the opportunity in Generation F, particularly
those who are ready to on-ramp rather than making it difficult for
them to do so.
- Media can share the success stories of women
making it to the top, of the organisations that put women at the
table, and those that do not. Yes, it's still news when
organisations challenge the stereotypes, break down the barriers
and encourage women to win new positions. And we want to hear
it.
So… fancy a seat at the table? Absolutely you should and
for women in particular, there's never been a better time to sit
down and be counted.
Acknowledgement
Jen Dalitz
is the founder and SheEO of http://www.sphinxx.org/ and Australia's thought
leader on gender balance. She is the author of "Little Wins
for Working Women" and http://www.thesheeoblog.com/