Over the last three years, Sarah and I have had the privilege to
meet, interview, socialise with, and talk to some incredible
women. We also had the unique opportunity to be
involved in researching the business case for Global Women http://www.globalwomen.org.nz/ (New Zealand's
premier networking group for very senior women) as well as to
undertake research for Global Women's soon-to-be-launched
leadership programme.
Ingredients: Key, Common, Controllable
If you are a regular Professionelle reader, it will not come as
a surprise to you that I never stop thinking and reflecting as I
try to find generalised lessons we can all benefit from. So
as we researched, interviewed, discussed and networked, I kept
reflecting on whether the women who had most impressed us over the
years had any key attributes in common. The reason, of
course, was that if they did it would have real implications as to
what practices and attributes all of us could and should consider
cultivating.
As it turned out, we found a number of shared key qualities,
attributes and approaches - or as I prefer to think of them,
'ingredients'. However, not all of these were under women's
immediate control and here we want to focus on the ingredients that
women can take action on at once, without recourse to anyone
else.
Three Parts
This article is the first in a series of three. Each is
dedicated to one of the ingredients and describes the strategies we
can employ to bring more of that ingredient into our lives.
We deliver theses seminars in-house for women in larger
organisations. If you are interested in running this
Networking Seminar within your organisation please e-mail us
directly on info@professionelle.co.nz
What is Success?
Do note that the ingredients we identified and the articles that
will follow are very Professionelle-'centric' as they are based on
women WE consider successful. I feel that it is really
important you share with us our definition of success as this is
the bedrock of what's to follow. If you have a different view
of success, do please comment regardless, as we'd love to hear from
you. It would be really interesting to start a discussion in the
comments on what we all consider 'success' to be.
Before you read on, take a minute or two to reflect on
your definition of success.
- Is it about money?
- Is it about status?
- Is it about meaning?
Professionelle's definition of success
In Professionelle we consider successful women to be
those who have made an impact in their chosen field, operate with
integrity, live with well being, are passionate about what they do,
comfortable with the choices they made - and derive an income from
their work.
Although this is a very personal Professionelle view we have
found in presentations and discussions we have run on this topic
that our empirically distilled findings strike a strong chord with
professional working women.
So what are the three key ingredients we, in Professionelle,
have found professional women to have in common and which are all
under their control?
- Self awareness (personal insight)
- Trusted advisors they can turn to throughout their
career
- Drive and zest, the willingness to work
hard
This article is about the first, and to me the most critical,
ingredient: self awareness
What is Self Awareness?
My coaching clients and I spend a lot of time in our sessions
continuously developing their self awareness. It's not
because they are not self aware, it's because you never have too
much self awareness.
Self awareness isn't naval gazing! Far from it. Self
awareness is about regularly working to better understand why we
each think, feel and behave the way we do. Self aware people
are aware of their strengths and weaknesses, how they come across,
what their core values are, and how the latter influence their
behaviour.
Self Aware and in Control
The first observation we made was that those women we considered
successful come across as always being 'together' and
'in-control'. They are able to recognise when their lives
start spiralling out of control, and they take back control.
They have many pressures on them yet they deal with them with grace
and ease. These women seem to be able to contain their hectic
schedules, the demands on them and the challenges they face without
resorting to 'drama'.
What also struck me in particular was that they are generally
healthy and fit despite the many pressures on them. They find time
to exercise and usually make it a priority.
I have come to realise that they manage to do all of this
through their tremendous powers of self-insight. They are aware of
themselves and monitor their own well-being, pulling back when they
need to so as to avoid burning the candle at both ends. They
will be the first to admit that they can reach breaking point, and
that their lives aren't perfect. But they deal with this in a
private and controlled manner, making the changes that need to be
made and then setting themselves on a course to gain back control
and get on top of things.
Self Aware and in Tune
Successful women are also aware of how they come across to
others and they actively modify their behaviour depending on the
setting and company. That doesn't mean they are manipulative;
instead it means they are in tune with their environment and
sensitive to those around them. When they need to be tough
they can be very tough, but they can also be supportive and warm
when the situation calls for it. In short, through their
self-insight they are able to monitor themselves and others and
make the best of most situations including the adverse ones.
Queen Bees
In Professionelle, we don't like to linger on the negative, but
it has to be said that the women we consider successful are NOT
'Queen Bees'. To those of you unfamiliar with the term, Queen
Bees are those successful women who have climbed to the very top of
organisations and institutions and who seem to have then 'pulled
the ladder up behind them'. They make it difficult for younger,
less experienced women to follow in their footsteps. We
observe that many Queen Bees lack self awareness as to how they
come across to others, and to the kind of impact they have on
colleagues. In fact, I'd hazard a guess that quite a few of
them would be genuinely horrified to discover how poorly they are
perceived by those around them.
Strategies for Self Awareness
In our networking seminars, we make a point of focusing on the
strategies that YOU can control to develop each of the ingredient
in your own lives. Here's a taste of the core strategies you
can employ to become self aware:
1st strategy: A clear, personal definition of success
Successful women are clear about what they define as success.
Core to the definition is that it's not about how other people view
them, it's about how they view themselves. This is probably
the hardest thing to do, to have such a clear definition of success
that you are able to derive a internal sense of accomplishment,
regardless of what others think of you. In short, successful
women have a strong sense of self-direction: they judge themselves
to be capable based on their own definition of capability.
In our experience, successful women are very clear about their
own definition of success and with that clarity of self-insight
comes confidence, which they radiate, and which enhances their
'successful' image. Because that definition is self-driven, they
are not reliant on other people's perceptions of them. Thus,
whether or not they feel successful is fully under their
control.
2nd strategy: Open to feedback, seeks perspective
Successful women's self insight derives from their appreciation
of who they are, from clarity about what they are trying to achieve
and from knowing how to keep themselves 'real'. To many of
them this is an explicit goal. When we interviewed the women, they
referred to it as making sure that they always remain grounded and
don't let their success get to their heads. To do this they seek
input through their relationships with partners and children
as well as with old friends and throughout their professional and
personal relationships.
They use their curiosity (which they all have in common) to 'get
to know themselves' by actively seeking and listening to feedback
from friends, family and trusted advisors. They have a real sense
of humility about them - they come across as very approachable
despite the fact that they can also be very formidable.
They also extend their own self-knowledge through reading books,
attending courses and online learning - all for the explicit goal
of increasing self awareness and perspective.
3rd Strategy: Self-check strategies:
In the same way they are curious about getting to know
themselves, successful women are also curious about they are doing
physically, emotionally and psychologically in dealing with their
high volume of work and the stress that comes with it. They
develop ways to keep on top of things; they know when to slow down
or take on more challenges and they make the time to exercise and
keep healthy. By prioritising their well being, they are able
to 'catch' themselves before they burn out. They can deliberately
take some time off for themselves and resolve matters before the
situation escalates.
Even though so many of these women deal with big issues and hold
big jobs with many challenges, there never seems to be much 'drama'
in their lives. The reason, it seems to us, is that through
constantly being aware of where they are "at", they resolve
potential problems early on before they become bigger than
Ben-Hur…
Food for Thought
I hope this article has given you some food for thought.
Stay tuned to the following two articles, and we promise to have
a seminar on the topic in the city near you, sooner rather than
later!