With the
Christmas break on the horizon, it occurred to me that
Professionelle members and visitors might be beginning to think
about their holiday reading and that perhaps we should review a few
books for you to consider…
On Positive Psychology
If you've been Professionelle
Website members for a little while, you will have come across
Positive Psychology. The Positive Psychology movement in the US has
been gaining momentum. My Professionelle partner, Sarah
Wilshaw-Sparkes, reviewed Learned Optimism by Marty E.P. Seligman on the
site a while ago. Seligman is considered by many to be the father
of Positive Psychology and we highly recommend all his
writings.
Positive psychology offers an alternative to clinical
psychology. Clinical psychology focuses on what's wrong with people
- disorders, maladaptive behaviours and the like. Positive
psychology shifts the emphasis to the positive - finding out what
is right and good about people. Positive psychology's premise is
that through identifying our strengths, virtues and character we
can further build on them. This is seen to be far more helpful,
productive and life enhancing than focusing on our weaknesses and
always trying to 'fix' them.
Positive psychology is for everyone. If traditional clinical
psychology's focus was on bringing mentally troubled people from -5
to 0 on 'disturbance and mental health' scales,then by contrast the
focus of positive psychology is to shift us from 0 to +5 on
happiness and well-being inour lives.
Ever since I came across this concept in my research, I've been
hooked. I never really read traditional 'self help' books because
most of them were based on anecdotal observations and people's
opinions. However, now, I'd read just about anything on positive
psychology because these books are based on science, empirical
research, and sound theory. Yes, some anecdotal case studies are
included, and they help illustrate important points.
What DO happy women know?
Of course when I saw this title, I had to have it. The fact that
it is a 2007 book made it truly irresistible, my mouth salivating
at the thought of all the up to date research and thinking.
The book is an easy read. It lays out the premise of positive
psychology and relates it squarely to women. Dan Baker weaves
research and theory with concrete case studies from his work with
women. There are enough important topics covered in the book that I
believe all women will find something that appeals. You might find
yourself skimming some chapters but being totally riveted by
others. In my book club, everyone had a different perspective on
what appealed to her the most. And each of us found something
worthwhile to take away.
To give you a taste for the topics coveredin the book's ten
chapters, I'll list a selection:. perfectionism, always saying yes,
the revenge rut, feeling nothing without a man, transcending loss,
the career track and much more.
When I thought about writing this review, I decided that rather
than focusing on the topic covered in the chapters, I'd focus on
the overall impressions I was left with and some enduring concepts
I took away.
Evolution has a lot of explaining to do
Personally, I just LOVED the evolutionary explanations put
forward to explain some of women's most self-defeating tendencies,
such as perfectionism, needing to please others, and even obsessive
shopping! You have to read it to believe it. But once I read these
evolutionary explanations, things did completely make sense.
Take obsessive shopping as an example; our ancestors lived in a
place and time of great danger. Food was always scarce and getting
it cost men's lives. When the men were hunting, the women where
frantically gathering plants to ensure there was enough food if the
men returned empty-handed. Our foremother who was never happy with
what she had and who consequently gathered more and more, was the
one with the most food, who was also more likely to be successful
in ensuring her offspring survived the harsh winters. According to
Baker, as far as the more primitive parts of our brains are
concerned, we're still gatherers needing more and more… so how do
women gather today? They shop!
You get the gist, reading these evolutionary explanations felt
great to me. So it's not just me who suffers from it (take your
pick, perfectionism, trying to please, working too hard), and it is
not all my own personal upbringing and childhood experiences that
are to blame. For some reason it felt like a great release. Perhaps
it's because these evolutionary explanations make all our
shortcoming and self-defeating behaviours less personal. Also, in
my work as a coach, consultant and workshop facilitator, I now use
these explanations to help people understand and relate more to the
dangers of all these traps women fall into.
Taking one step at the time - the Kaizen principle
Perfectionism being one of the most enduring traps I have to
battle with, I found this little gem most alluring. Kaizen,
according to Baker, is "the Japanese word for continual improvement
through small, incremental and sometimes insignificant steps." You
want to lose weight, get fit and look younger? Rather than
embarking on a 'no holds bar' hell regime, cut one chocolate bar a
day to start off with. Make a point of parking your car two streets
away from your destination every time you go somewhere so you walk
a little more throughout your day. That kind of thing…
I found the Kaizen principle really appealing. Too often, I take
on giant challenges and suffer disappointment when I can't master
them within my self-prescribed time frame. And then of course, feel
like I've failed. A non-professional example is in my yoga
practice. I have been doing yoga for many years now, and until
recently, I used to set myself goals: by the end of the year I will
be doing a handstand, that kind of thing, and when the end of the
year came I'd feel like I failed in achieving this goal. Now, I
just focus on one step at the time, doing the postures better,
gaining more strength and just enjoying the journey. (And, yes, I
can do a hand-stand now!)
I think we can alldo with a little Kaizen in our lives,
realising that good enough is quite often just that - good enough -
and that each step we take towards whatever it is, counts.
The diversified life
The third concept I really enjoyed and that stayed with me is
the idea of treating one's life as an investment portfolio. The
premise here is that just as it wouldn't be wise to invest all your
money in one stock, the same is true of our lives. Happy women run
their lives as a mosaic of their strengths and interests. Happy
women have multi dimensional lives and don't invest in just one
thing.
Looking around the happy women I know, I observed that they
really do that, some are mothers and wives but they all have other
interests they value. They all choose things where they can really
draw on their strengths, be it designing kitchens, gardens, going
back to study or doing fulfilling paid work. What all of them also
have in common is having great relationships in which they invest
and which they nurture.
Just as having a diversified investment portfolio should cushion
an economic downturn, so does a diversified life cushions women who
are faced with adversity.
A little niggle
Dan Baker works mainly with women who come to the Canyon Ranch
is Arizona where he founded the Life-Enhancing programme. Perhaps
because of that, many of the women described in the case studies
are very wealthy and that might make the more cynical of you raise
an eyebrow. I missed that fact, but one of my book club members
pointed it out. So beware, but rest assured that with all the other
research and other case studies presented, I personally believe
that he was able to strike a good balance with good lessons for us
all.
Self-help and holiday reading
It might be a cliché but most people do take stock at the end of
each year. We are very lucky in New Zealand that we do get a chance
to take a big break over the holidays and most of us have time for
some reflection. I'll be the first to admit that I will be reading
some roaring good fun fiction novels. But I will also be reading
Authentic Happiness (by Seligman again). I think being reminded of
these principles again and again only serves to enhance the quality
of my life and helps me make the best decisions in every area.
What Happy Women Know is an easy to read and a great
introduction to the concepts of positive psychology for all women.
It would make a great holiday present, and a wonderfully affirming
read for the break!
Dan Baker also wrote What Happy People Know and one of the book
club members preferred it to this Women book. He also wrote and What Happy
Companies Know. All can be purchased on Amazon
© Professionelle Ltd 2007