How Do You "Make it All Work?"

We're fairly sure there's no silver bullet out there, and no magical fountain for career success either. Whether we're Gen Y, Gen X, Gen Jones or Boomers, we're all grappling with compromises as we try to stay sane yet also try to find work that interests us and rewards us as professional women.

Some of us stay on the traditional track and in time rise to the most senior levels. Others forge paths as contractors to past employers and clients, or become small business owners. Within these overall models though, there will be things that really make the difference when it comes to making you feel engaged, motivated and enthusiastic.

What do you do for yourself to "make it all work"? What gestures by employers have meant the most to you?

Below we share the stories, experiences, tips and tricks you've sent in to us.

All named responses went into a draw for a thank you gift from Professionelle and our winner was Diana Simpson of Auckland. We're sending her one of our Professionelle branded business card cases - essential for all those networking events!

 

See what women in this Youtube clip from brand new Inspiration Lounge TV have to say about the good things that keep them going:

Launched in April 2009 by Misty Gibbs in California, Inspiration Lounge TV is a video community for women to drop-in on real conversations that inspire and support women around the world to pursue their passions. Looks promising!

 

How Professionelle Members "Make it All Work"

For me, the key is being ultra organised and planning in advance. eg I always prepare the kids' lunches the night before, decide what I'm going to wear the next day if it's a big day, make sure the kids have done any homework/ news/ projects etc. I keep lists and monitor my diary constantly so I'm not caught out. I plan meals in advance for the whole week, so I know what I'm going to cook. eg if it's a day when my son has rugby practice until 5.30 (which involves me plus the other 2 children watching) then I defrost something from the freezer that day. On a day when I'm not working I cook a big batch of something and freeze half, so I have ready meals for days when I know there won't be much time.

 

Just read your tips. Making phone calls in the car is no way to save time. It's dangerous for all other road users - including the children likely to be in the back of your car and sets a very bad example for them - there's no end of research that shows that. Please remove that tip. There are far too many working mothers talking on the phone while driving already. It's far better to use the car time to talk to your children. Apologies for the negative bit. Here's something more positive: I've been a working mum for 13 years in senior roles including an overseas posting. The best advice I have is to choose your partner very well - I couldn't have done what I have done without mine. Cheers.

 

For those of you who would like some tips on how to "make it all work" here's some of mine for fitting in exercise. I have done one or another at some time.

1. Meet your friends for a walk instead of coffee or lunch -that way you can excercise while catching up. You can even have some meetings this way!
2. Do your phoning while on a long walk (via cell phone) or in the car.
3. Take your kids to sport and then go for a run and/or walk while they are at practice and then you are finished at the same time they need to go home.
4. Coach one of your kid's sports teams and do the fitness sessions with them. Ask a mother to be the manager so you dont have to do the ringing around and organising everyone (that's not the fun bit and most mothers prefer to do that than coach!).
5. Book your kids into something at a community gym which is at the same time as something suitable for you (really good if it's associated with a pool or fitness centre).
6. Get a really boisterous dog that just has to be walked every day or will bark the neighbourhood down (or borrow one from a friend while they are on holiday) -I lost a stone that way!!!!
7. We have a small gym at work with a treadmill, rowing machine, bike, weights and mat which gets used quite a lot -even 10 minutes at morning tea is worth it. Some people who work late due to time differences will often take a long lunch and use the gym.
8. One year I hired a university student to pick the kids up from school and take them to sport and home and look after them til 5.45 4 days per week. It made a huge difference to my day not having to rush everywhere all the time and the kids didn't seem to notice anything. In fact, Kerryn was much better at getting them to do their homework than I was.

 

To make it all work, is learning (yes scary, very scary) to say NO. Something that I personally find extremely hard to do, and am certainly not successful in yet. I run my own practice, have full-time and part-time staff to assist, but school holidays are often a real juggle. The staff are wonderful, very supportive, and willing to "ease my load", and as we are all women, understand the juggles of life very well. It really comes down to me, letting go, being a little less hard on myself. I tend to be my worst task master, want it all done at at least 120% and tend to "bash" myself over the head much more than anyone would expect of me. I made a promise to myself that this year was going to be more balanced, great intention at this point, but I am chipping away at it little by little.

Years ago I had a life coach whom I specifically hired to help me stop feeling guilty. This was when I had a 1yr old and a 3yr old under 3 day care of a nanny, whilst working from home, and each time I heard them cry I felt this enormous guilt for not being up stairs with them, and at the same time when I was with them and the work phone went downstairs, that guilt of "neglecting" my customers was just as bad. The Life Coach helped me hugely to put things in perspective, so one good idea for me was "moving work out of home". Something that won't work for everyone, as it is rather handy to be able to work at home too, and be around whilst the kids potter, however,it worked for me.

I am now full-time at work, but when I leave, I am not at work anymore, and other than the odd annoying technical issue that bugs the brain during the rest of the evening/night, I am able to compartmentalise it now. Although one does not want to state it "publicly" - I am also of the opinion that if my customers do not appreciate the fact that I am a mother, wife, and individual, and not just only their accountant, I actually do not want to be their accountant, as respect both ways is very important. I have a great client base with lots of mothers/parents/grandparents and they all like the way I approach things, so I must be doing something right.

Where I totally fall down and have huge bad moments about is excercise and fitness and weight loss. I am the boss, so I should be able to give myself time off, but I just can't get myself "sorted" on it. Excercise classes are either first thing in the morning - when I see my girls for breakfast (and I already miss one as I attend a business breakfast weekly) - or at 9.30am/noonish/3.30pm - when I am at work, and then after hours - when I see my girls at home. I know that I would have such positive benefits of getting some regime in place, but find the forfeiting of my time with the girls also very hard. So that is my bain but I shall conquer that too.

 

Wow, what a question! I missed it first time round so forgive the late response. For me making it all work comes down to one thing...knowing when to ask for help. It's often the hardest thing for us professional women to do, and it can make the most difference to our lives and the lives of our children, partners (for those that have them) and our work colleagues and friends. I made a decision to raise a child on my own, and with a challenging, results driven, client facing role, this has been no easy feat. I have had to learn (the hard way) to know when a crisis is looming, when my daughter needs me to be there, when my employer needs more than my already full focus, how to juggle client needs with every other demand in my life.

To do this effectively I have needed to ask for assistance. Surprisingly - when you ask for help it's given willingly. It's not easy...both my parents work fulltime, friends are all in busy roles with families of their own, siblings are similarly offshore or in demanding positions... I started by asking for flexibility...and I got it...remote access off site, flexi hours, the technology to support my "on-the-go" role and life. I bought time from my employer for the gym - or a run - they recognised my fitness sharpened my ability to deliver...thanks to this I have now completed two half marathons... Then I asked for the help of my family...they're now used to the group emails with the following month requests and program their support accordingly. I have done the same with my friends - some of whom have no family here in NZ - so the support works for all of us. It sounds so easy - it's not - the biggest hurdle is learning to ask. So once you have learnt to ask for help...learn tip #2... Make sure you ask for it before you need it!

 

Having a wonderful colleague to bounce ideas off (whether home or work) keeps me going: while not in the same area of the business as me, she "gets" the politics, ins and outs of our Firm and is a great sounding board. Without this person to talk to the circular conversations in my head can become overwhelming! Remembering every day to "ease off a little" helps hugely: that great professionelle wisdom about no matter how hard you work you still won't get everything done, so no matter how much my preference is to try for perfection I need to accept that an 80% job is perfectly OK. You published a great article on the need to ease off and accept that you don't have to be all things to all people all of the time. I think of it often! Thank you :)

 

As a single mother and two and a consulting engineer with a senior role in a large international company, my life is a constant juggle, as it is for many people. However, I am fortunate to work for a company that tries hard to embrace and encourage work-life balance. I finish work at 3pm two days per week, allowing my to pick my children up from school, and have "bought" an extra two weeks leave per year, which gives me extra flexibility. We also have the capability to work from home with full access to computer networks, which means my extra hours can be done after my kids go to bed and allows me to stay home with sick kids when required. I am also able to bring the kids to the office with me, and my 11 year old daughter comes in to the office after a music lesson each week, saving me on childcare costs. I avoid travel where I can, using teleconferences, instant messaging and web meetings as an alternative.

My kids do lots of extracurricula activities, and I try to provide a good role model to them by being involved in a community music group and I have recently started to exercise regularly. Exercise (running, mountain biking and road biking) helps me to relax my mind while tiring out my body, helping me to sleep better (and has helped me drop many extra kgs too!). I often feel that my life is a house of cards and that the slightest breeze can make it wobble precariously, but friends, family and considerate workmates are the glue that holds it together. I have learned to ask for help and to give it where I can, a sense of community is a great thing!

 

The bottom line for me is the same as "Emma" in the Coaching Journey report. My faith keeps me going through life, work, good times and bad. It gives me my standards, integrity, morals, etc. Sometimes in work it is hard when sales pressures are pushed constantly to still do what is best for the customer. But to be able to put one's hand on one's heart and say you have tried your best to do the best for the customer, the employer and oneself is most rewarding. Constant criticism or nitpicking will only diminish you if you let it, if you can say you've done your best then that is all you can do and let the rest wash over you like water off a duck's back. "What other people think of me is none of my business" is a favourite saying of mine.

 

I make it work by being kind to myself and trying to relax my high standards at home. I have a cleaner and don't hesitate to outsource where it makes life easier. I also don't allow myself to engage in guilt over my choices. Gestures from employers that I have valued range from a paid holiday after a very intense project to just remembering to say thanks and job well done. Also if I ever have to take a rare day off with a sick child their unqualified support and understanding is critical as I feel like I am letting the team down already without being made to feel worse.

 

"Make it all work." That sentence makes me think of pushing rocks uphill, of swimming against the tide- of constant struggle, day in and out. I don't know about everyone else, but my job isn't a never-ending struggle- yes, there are days when I wish someone cared more about the aspects of the job I value, when I disagree with policy and procedures, when I wish I could bob my head à la I Dream of Jeannie and have my boss, my boss's boss, and everybody else currently annoying me vanish to a place where they can understand exactly how much I give a damn at present...but that's the job, to me. You take the good with the bad, and if the bad outweighs the good, it's time to go.

But what gets me through on the bad days are the people I work with - the understanding that okay, today sucks, tomorrow's going to be better if we all pull together. The days that are great are the ones where I've "been heard", when someone has acknowledged me for a contribution, when I've dealt with a customer and been genuinely thanked for helping - and when I feel I've made a positive difference in my company. My boss is a wonderful mentor in "not taking it personally", in finding solutions to problems, and in finding a quiet place to rant if Options A and B don't work out so well. The reason I do my job is for the status and financial aspects, to gain knowledge and learn, and to be part of something great. The reason I stay in my job are the people: they're what make it work.

 

What "makes it all work" for me is job variety. I also enjoy an place of work that listens and is open to new ideas and acknowledges that your ideas have been heard. Autonomy is just as important as support. I also encourage the teacher/student attitude at work.

Thanks to all of you who sent us your thoughts!

© Professionelle Ltd 2009