When you have your first baby, you're launched into the unknown.
People ask you questions you really have no way of answering with
certainty. How late into your pregnancy will you work? Will you
come back to work, and if so when? How will you handle breast
feeding? What kind of childcare are you thinking of? Or will you be
a stay-at-home mum?
All this when your baby is no more than a small, blurry blob on
the ultrasound!
You'll only know the answers for sure once you've reached each
stage and made whatever decisions feel right for you in your
circumstances.
Nevertheless, most of the first time mums we know
intend to return to work within a year or so of having
their baby. If you're one of them, or know someone at this stage of
life, then read on for our tips on how to tilt the odds in favour
of a successful and relatively stress-free return to work.
We believe there are three key things that new mothers can do to
make the transition back to work after several months' break as
smooth as possible:
1. Sort out your child care arrangements well in advance
The most difficult thing about going back to work is leaving
your child behind with strangers. Getting back into the swing of
work is that much harder if you don't have total peace of mind
about the well-being of your child.
You need to ask yourself some key questions:
- How much can I afford to pay?
- How flexible will the care need to be given the nature of my
work (and my partner's work): travel out of town? Sudden client
deadlines?
- What back up or fill in arrangements can I devise that I can
rely on? Will my partner/relatives/ friends help out when I'm stuck
at work or when the child is sick?
- Taking all these answers together, what seems the best
arrangement for me? Day care, in-home care with other children,
nanny?
We suggest you start exploring options while pregnant if you're
expecting to return to work within your child's first six months.
The excellent child care centres have huge waiting lists and the
best nannies can be very hard to find.
Getting the childcare arrangement right is the most important
factor in ensuring a smooth return to work!
2. Ensure you maintain contact with colleagues and mentors at
work
Some mothers who go on maternity leave neglect to keep in touch
with their work colleagues and allies. If this is you, then for
your work colleagues, it can be as if you've disappeared into a
black hole of motherhood! As a new mum, you can feel reluctant to
get in touch with workmates for a number of reasons. It could be
you're still figuring out how you feel about your new status as a
mother, or because it's a struggle to make the time with a new
baby. You might also worry you'll be imposing on colleagues and
risk wasting their time.
However, going back to the office 'cold', especially after your
first baby, can be a daunting experience. Actively keeping in touch
will ensure you have people to talk to as you work through your
first weeks back. You want allies on your side who will keep you up
to date with developments and gossip!
To keep in touch, it's as simple as calling up colleagues to
check on what's happening and to try to have a coffee. E-mail is
also a great courtesy tool that helps you keep in touch in your
five minutes of peace when the baby is sleeping, and that lets
others respond when they have a break in their workflow. One or two
strong allies can give invaluable support when you return to
work.
In the month before you return, we advise going in for at least
one visit. In most work environments, colleagues will love to see
the new baby, and it can also serve as a reminder that that the new
mum will soon be a working mum!
3. Be very clear about your priorities in life
What distinguishes the working mothers who make the transition
successfully and enjoyably, with sanity and soul intact, is that
they are very clear about their priorities in life. Remember the
puzzle about how to fill a jar with big rocks, smaller pebbles and
sand? You have to put the big rocks in first. It's not
worth sweating the small stuff. And yes, one or two of the big
rocks probably won't fit into your new jar of life - make
compromises and make them without regrets.
But it does take time, and it's well worth figuring out sooner
than later that you can't be Superwoman. We don't know any working
mothers who have it all together from the word go!
Our practical tips include:
- Thinking about meals for the week ahead, unless you're happy
having take-outs every night or you're lucky enough to have a nanny
that cooks. Galia still cooks huge portions of soups, casseroles,
macaroni cheese etc and freezes the balance. She has also located
the best home-cooked type meals in her area and buys from them at
least weekly! Another tip with food is learning how to cook fast
yet really tasty and healthy meals like steak with salad in pita
bread with hummus.
- If one of your "big rocks" is having the house really clean and
tidy, then you really should hire someone to help with the
housework. We're still astounded to hear how many NZ working mums
don't have a cleaner. Investing in a few hours of someone else's
time can make a significant difference to a family's - and
especially the working mother's - wellbeing. You should get your
cleaner sorted out at least a month before returning to work so you
can experiment with what works best in terms of day of the week,
preparation, ironing or cleaning.
- If exercise is really important to you, then as a new mother
you should try to plan it in to your working week. If you start
work thinking you'll be able to fit it in afterwards, the chances
are that rock will never squeeze in! Consider making a weekly gym
session during work hours into an on-going apportionment in your
diary so no-one books meetings for that time. If you opt for a
class after hours instead, your partner/nanny/ family members will
know that this is the time you'll always be away on your own.
Building it in from day one helps ensure it gets into your calendar
and stays there!
Ensure you are well supported
It's easy as a first time mum returning to work to forget about
YOU. Sometimes it can seem like the time at work, away from your
child, should be enough for your me-time, and that you should rush
home as fast as possible. But we strongly recommend you make time
to do things that are just about YOU because it's really important
for your wellbeing. Sarah had a weekly massage booked from when her
first was a year old. Galia carved out time for yoga classes.
Like any other routine, if you don't do it from the beginning,
the chances are it won't happen. Before you start work again, we
recommend you book that facial for six weeks after the return date!
Scheduling a regular date with your partner is another tip, with
the babysitter booked in advance. Whatever it is you value, plan
ahead for it!
What about the rest of you out there? What advice would you
offer? We would love to hear your thoughts. Please e-mail us on: feedback@professionelle.co.nz
© Professionelle Ltd 2007