Kim Chamberlain is a Wellington based
conference speaker, training consultant and author.
Are you a busy woman? Let's start with the 'Busy Woman Quiz'. Do
you relate to any of these:
- You haven't shaved your legs for days ... even weeks!
- Mornings are so busy! You skip breakfast / shower / ironing
your clothes / putting makeup on ...
- You only spend ____ minutes per day talking to your husband or
partner
- If your child puts a stain on your top in the morning, you
don't have time to change, so you put on a jacket to cover it
up
- Your children spend a lot of time with a nanny
- Exercise? That's a joke!
- You spend the late evenings answering work emails
- You vow to never take work home again
- You don't have time to relax in the bath. A quick shower is all
you can manage
How did you do? If you relate to any, or even all of these
issues you are probably not alone, and you are probably very
busy.
As a working woman, life places many demands on you. The trick
is to manage these demands to ensure that you are in control of
your activities. Things start to fall apart if you feel the demands
are controlling you.
Is there a 'right' way?
In most aspects in life we will fall somewhere on a
continuum. For example, as a parent, how much time do you
spend with your young children? Some people fall at one end of
the continuum where they spend almost 100% of their time with
their children, while others may be at the other end, rarely seeing
their children at all. Most people will be somewhere in the
middle.
There is no 'right' place to be on the continuum, only a right
place for you, given your situation and the needs you are aiming to
meet.
My belief is that as we go through life we want to have our
needs met. Bear in mind that everyone has individual needs, so what
may suit some people may not suit you and your needs. Also remember
that your needs change as you go through life.
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When we encounter various aspects of life, it's often akin to
looking at a beach ball. We may be looking at the same thing as
other people, but we are seeing a different angle to it.
For example if a mother chooses to leave her young child with a
nanny, her view of it may be that it's the best situation, because
she can then go out to work and earn enough money to provide the
luxuries in life. Someone else's view may be that it's not a
beneficial situation as the child is losing the feelings of bonding
and belonging to the mother.
There isn't a 'right' way to look at it, more a right way for
you.
So, when we find ourselves juggling life's demands, there are a
number of issues to consider. Here we'll look at three of them:
What are you juggling; Who benefits when you work; and Strategies
to deal with the demands.
What are you juggling?
There is a saying which goes:
You can improve what you measure.
If we don't measure, or have a good understanding of what is
taking up our time, it will be hard to make improvements.
What is taking up your time?
First make a list of all the activities you spend your time
on. For example: work or business; household chores; time for
marriage; time with children; time with other family members and
friends; hobby or recreation; health and exercise; quiet time;
watching TV; community involvement; etc.
Next put a number next to each one of them, according to their
level of importance - Glass, Clay or Cloth, with Glass being is the
most important and Cloth being the least important. Their
level of importance can be determined by what would happen if these
activities 'dropped' from your life.
For example, let's say that your husband 'dropped' from your
life. How serious would that be? If you feel it would be
devastating, then you would label 'time for marriage' as Glass,
because it would break if dropped.
If the activity 'watching TV' were removed from your life and
you felt it would have no serious or long term effects, then you
would label that Cloth, as there would be no damage if that
activity were dropped, and you can always pick it up and use it
again at a later date.
Now write down a rough percentage next to each item as to how
much of your time that activity takes up. Make sure they all add up
to 100%.
Then look at your Glass items. Are you allocating enough time to
them? If not, look at the items labelled Cloth. Which Cloth
items can you either remove from your life or spend less time on so
that the most important aspects of your life receive the attention
they deserve?
If you find yourself juggling too much, the stress is likely to
catch up with you sooner or later.
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience,
raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of
water?"
Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it,
the heavier it becomes."
He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the
burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry
on."
Who benefits when you work?
We always have choices.
Sometimes we forget this when we are caught up in a particular
way of living. We think we have to work long hours, we think we
have to earn a certain amount to maintain a standard of living, we
think we have to achieve a certain status.
Sometimes it's useful to step back from your situation and take
a bird's eye view of what is happening. Do you really need to be
doing everything you are doing, and do you need to do it in that
particular way? We always have choices.
Some of the happiest
people I know are ones who took a demotion in work, or who kept
their business small, or who gave up work altogether. These people
felt they would be happier if they devoted more time to themselves
or to their family, and devoted less time to stressful work
situations. Yes, they earned less money than they could have done,
but the benefits they, and others gained, far outweighed the
reduction in income.
Certainly some women need to work as they are the sole provider.
Just remember if you are juggling life's demands and not enjoying
the process, there are choices.
For those of you who work long and perhaps stressful hours, take
a good, hard look at what the effects are on you and others around
you - yourself, your partner, your children, your employer, your
colleagues, your staff.
- Do they really benefit from you working? And working in the way
you do?
- Do they understand what the benefits are to them? Do they
agree?
- Does one person benefit at the expense of another? For example
does your employer benefit by your working long hours, while your
family suffers?
- Would you benefit if you changed to a less stressful kind of
work; dealt with the stress more effectively; reduced your hours,
for example?
Work can take up huge amounts of your life. Please make sure the
way you are doing it is bringing the right amount of benefit … and
to the right people.
Strategies for juggling life's demands
Research has shown that women deemed to be successful have two
main approaches to juggling life's demands. Firstly they put into
place practical solutions, and secondly they adopt a mental
approach or attitude about their situation that works for
them.
For example:
Practical techniques
1. Making the best use of their time
- Working part time and taking longer to build a business
- Living near to work to reduce travelling time
- Reducing out-of-work commitments
- Making a list of all the weekly activities, and delegating
those which others can do
- Hiring enough workers to reduce the tasks they need to perform
at home
- Working some evenings and weekends to be able to spend time
with children after school
- 'Disconnecting' eg not taking laptop when away, turning off
phone in evenings
- Filling in a diary/calendar and having it on display so all
family members can see what needs to be organised
- Preparing as much as possible the night before
- Phoning friends on the way home from work to be able to focus
on family when home
- Taking a half day annual leave at stress times
- Finding ways to build in exercise for brief free periods of
time, eg leaving walking shoes at work and going for a brisk walk
over lunchtime
2. Decisions regarding work
- Changing career if the work does not fit in with life values,
goals and circumstances
- Moving from employment to self employment on a contract basis
to take time off between contracts or to have more control over
working hours
- Role swap with husband who becomes the at-home parent
- Both parents work part time and share childcare between
them
- Having a home based office
- Moving the office out of the home to have a clear
delineation
- Taking unpaid leave when needing time off
3. Building in support / respite
- Calling on family members to help
- Working out a system with partner
- Having arrangements with others, for example 'If you take my
children to school I will give you free IT support'
- Asking the children to take over some chores
- Arranging childcare in order to have weekends away on own or
with partner
- Self-support: building in me-time, eg massage, meditation,
hobby, coffee with friends
- Buying a cheaper house in order to also buy a small weekend
house, to be able to take regular breaks
4. Money issues
- Choosing part-time work and choosing to live more simply
- Taking in a boarder to bring in additional money in order to
reduce the hours worked
Mental approach / attitude
Many women have not only adopted practical techniques, but have
also made decisions or adopted mental attitudes that allow them to
cope with the demands.
- Looking at work-life balance and seeing that work is life.
Moving away from the assumption that work is unpleasant, and
choosing an occupation which is in alignment with life values
- Choosing to move away from the rat race to a quieter, slower
pace of life where there are fewer needs and must-do's
- Making hours at work non-negotiable. For example 'I finish at
6pm and if the work can't get done then I / we are using time
inefficiently and need to make changes'.
- Setting boundaries so that the situation doesn't control
them
- Lowering expectations. For example having a less tidy house,
living in a smaller house, having less material possessions, fewer
holidays ...
- Believing that leaving your child with a nanny: is OK ...
better for them ... gives them a better experience ... helps them
thrive ...
- Believing that being an at-home mum is of equal value to
working outside the home
- Believing that working long hours and having a non-balanced
life is OK for a period of time
- Adopting an attitude of 'I'm married to my business and I'm
happy this way'
- Discussing with their children: 'Do you want me to work more
and earn more money, or would you like me to earn less and be able
to spend more time with you?'
- Appreciating they can't know the answer to all the issues and
choosing to get help, for example from a career coach
Final Thought
If you are working and find yourself juggling many demands, it
is possible to take control of the demands rather than allowing the
demands to control you. It is possible; it simply requires
some thought and some effort.
Take a pen and paper, and write down the first three steps you
are going to take…
© copyright Kim Chamberlain 2010
Acknowledgement
Kim
Chamberlain, MA
Hons, DCG, DFJ, ATM, APS
Kim is a conference speaker,
communications trainer, author and the founder of Successful
Speaking. Her focus is to help people develop
their skills, their level of understanding and their
confidence. She is particularly interested in working
with women, through speaking at conferences, training, books and
articles. Contact her on kim@successfulspeaking.biz.
http://www.successfulspeaking.co.nz/